Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
