I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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