does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
