your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
