We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
this hospital has no fireball
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
