I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
