Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I love you.
Bad choice
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
