Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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