My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
