If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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