i already hear my dad disowning me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Help. Why am I so naked?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
