I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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