Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize