I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
