And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
