Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
