Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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