You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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