I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
