I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
