Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
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Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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