NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
