you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i think im in europe. pls send help
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
