somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
