The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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