If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize