just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
What drink are we having for lunch?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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