Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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