non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
