you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
