fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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