You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
