So drunk its hurt
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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