I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
