Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
