I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
