Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
