so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
