girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
