I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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