Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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