Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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