Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
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This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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