meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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