I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
