from now on my penis is your penis
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
