You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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