This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
