How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
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There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
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Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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