I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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