I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
