The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
