Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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