But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
