youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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