I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
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i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
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5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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