I was born with a shot glass in my hand
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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