You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
