Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
